My life after Tinnitus

Well if you have landed on this page you could be  one of the millions afflicted by  tinnitus,  and like myself still desperately looking for a cure  or at best relief.

I first noticed a high pitch ring in my left ear after treatment for testicular cancer in my early twenties, I’m now 41. Chemotherapy drugs like cysplatin saved my life but left me with irreversible ear damage  as it destroyed the  fragile nerves throughout my cochlea. Well years passed and the ring became less distressing and I thought, “Oh well, that’s not too bad, I can live with that.”

The sad news is that over the last year the volume in my ear has at least doubled to what it used to be, in fact if you consider the  sound of an average  TV  set at a medium volume my tinnitus is louder. Some days are very loud, ridiculously loud. I say to myself, “This is absurd, it can’t be real, and pray tomorrow it will be better?” But when very little change or relief  comes and I become distraught and depressed with a real sense of helplessness and despair. Even as I write this article I have an mp3 player with one ear piece in my left ear playing the sound of a running stream over and over to help try and mask this infuriating sound.

Well enough of the saga, how do I deal with it? Well some days I don’t! I’m going to be honest with you. I break down into my loving wife’s arms and cry. Literally, I have sobbed like a baby, an outward plea for God to rescue me from my private hell. On other days I awake from my bed and check in with T, yep, still  there and I pray, “God please give me strength to  see and feel what is good today, let me live beyond this condition and be joyful”.

In my life I have endured many hardships but on a scale of things the challenge of T has been the greatest. I feel it’s impact on my life constantly and I see myself changing by it’s tormenting effects.

The bottom line is today I will either fall prey to the ‘wo is me victim type scenario’  and allow the T to totally destroy my quality of life, my marriage and health or I can  counter it’s  negative associations by improving my life in other ways. Like a counter weight I suppose.

OK, well what activities are going to make my T less noticeable? What’s going to’ distract’ me long enough to give me some sense of relief and as you may well know every drop counts, that’s got to be a start . Well here’s my personal list of  where for a moment or two my life is relatively normal and the stress of T is reduced by varying degrees.

Activities

1. This maybe extreme for some but windsurfing is my greatest relief, the sound of gurgling water and wind rushing past my ears is wonderful. Really helps get rid of that ‘anger’ that builds up within me and helps me sleep better at night
2. Driving my car with the windows down and the radio on
3. A nice long shower
4. My wife stroking my hair in her lap
5. Playing guitar, as a producer being engrossed in making music really helps.
6. Wearing earphones and listening to the sound of the ocean, a bubbling stream while I’m reading or surfing the net. Don’t hold back on cheap earphones either, you deserve hi fidelity sound and with full bandwidth. I use the Sennheiser in ear style headphones, I really like ‘em.
7. Chewing gum, I get a jaw ache though, I tend to overdo it.
8. OK, not windsurfing but still head to the beach and listen to the wind, my best friend.
9. Roller Blading, wind generators on wheels.
10. Swimming
11. Just joined a gym and really love the background noise of treadmills and whizzing, whirling machines.
12. As a sports teacher I also get to play with noisy kids, I get involved and engrossed with them. In fact I  actually look forward to work much more with T, kid therapy.
13. Sing! Sing out loud.
14. Hum or whistle, especially if your hit with a wall of silence.
15. Explore new forms of music.
16. Oh yeah, crunchy food
17. Pray, repeat a mantra, get close to your creator.
18. Bikes are great!

If you have any more please comment, I’d like to add them to the list.

Tips

These are a few things I have discovered myself and from gathering  information from the net that may be helpful to you.

1. I’ve been drinking Roibus tea as opposed to caffeine  drinks which increase the volume of T in some people. On days when my T really sucks I have a nice decaf or a real cup of tea, and reward myself. Who cares? It ain’t getting any louder now so you may as well enjoy yourself.
2. Drink lot’s of water and detox
3. Sorry, no alcohol
4. Learn to relax deeply before sleep
5. Keep a fan on in your bedroom at night, mine just died from overuse.
6. AVOID SILENCE, this must be a priority.
7. Get out the house, ambient noise please
8. Don’t dwell on T
9. Don’t monitor your T and tune into it, the more you listen the louder it gets
10. Exercise, channel your frustrations into muscle power, release those endorphins
11. Exercise will increase your libido, enjoy and improve your sex life, that’s got to be good!
12. Become a giver, serve someone less well off than yourself. Go for the spiritual lift.
13. Do not use T as an excuse to justify your depression, I have had great days where my T is loud. One example was a trip to Bali on a honeymoon. So many things were going on, sights, smells, new experiences, I was living. Keep living. T is a thief, it has already taken far too much. Proclaim, “Today is my day!”
14. If you break down and lose it, don’t be hard on yourself, it’s ok to grieve the loss of silence but keep tabs on it and get proactive asap.
15. Don’t give up work, you are not an invalid, find work that you can manage.
16. Empower yourself with knowledge of T and it’s therapies. TRT therapy has much validity in my opinion
17. Beware of sharks, internet bullies who promise you a quick fix with a paypal account. Ear drops don’t work!
18. Try meditation but use headphones with background noise to assist you.
19. Employ self talk and positive visualization of you becoming victorious, slaying the T dragon. Affirmations like, “I will habituate!”. “My T is not louder, only my perception of it is, therefore I can reduce it’s volume.”
20. Breathe in…..breathe out…, there is a lot of power in the breath. Do you feel your shortness right now? Is your chest tight? Exhale stress, breathe in love.
21. Have you considered yoga?
22. Overcome depression  and hopelessness by engaging with a wider community in a selfless and charitable manner.  Many of the great saints had a thorn in their side so to speak, their quiet suffering allowed them the gift of empathy, an insight into the suffering of others. Today we suffer, but if T be the sand in the oyster we will be truly beautiful on that great day my friends. Try and see the big picture, beyond this world if you can. Your reward awaits you. God knows you intimately and loves you deeply, he will give you strength, lean on him.

This list is not exhaustive but as with “Activities” I would gladly accept any new ideas.

My next article will be regarding the changes I’m going through as a T sufferer, I intend to remain positive, that’s my choice.

Thanks for reading

Mike de Velta

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About

Typically associated with the Blues and Roots movement and acoustic in nature Mike De Velta's intoxicating compositions and performances are constantly on the move. A rich showcase of modern folk,blues and a hint of the eastern expressed through the shimmering and delightful tones of lap slide, ukulele and acoustic guitars.

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